Minutes of Owners' Meeting

I. Meeting of the Illinois Chooch Association was called to order by Commisioner Kirby at 7:17 PM, Saturday December 9, 2006. Present: Kirby, Newman, Feigh, Smith, Weiland, Hanik, Meer. Tardy: Lyons

II. State of the Association by Kirby

III. Election of new Statistician. Kirby nominates Meer. Lyons seconds. Passes unanimously.

IV. Election of new chief marketing officer. Weiland nominates Lyons. Seconded by Meer. Passes unanimously.

V. Expansion: Lyons will handle expansion meeting detail for fall outfield. Online application pending.

VI. Motions for formal trade away, trade down, and arbitration all fail.

VII. Motion for a no trade clause addition to draft day by Lyons. Language passes as follows unanimously:

“During the ICA’s major draft, the owner of a draft pick directly behind another pick that was just selected (owner two), may offer a no trade clause to the player just selected – the player selected with the draft pick directly preceding the pick currently on the clock.

If so done, the player’s original selector (owner 1) will either match the offer of no trade, or the player will be given to owner two with a no-trade binding. If owner 1 denies a no trade offering, his team will be on the clock for the next pick, and will also receive a compensatory sandwich pick after the 7th round.

If either owner ends up with the player in question with a no trade binding, they may not cut or trade said player, unless he dies, fails to make a 40-man roster out of spring training, or is cut via mandatory release.”

VIII. Present teams each named a backup gm for the upcoming draft.
a. Renegades – Kirby
b. Walden – Hanik
c. DaFaze – Meer
d. Giants – Feigh
e. Outlaw – Lyons
f. Oedipus – Lyons
g. Pine Tar – Lyons
h. Golden Sox – Newman

IX. Lyons made a motion to formalize a tiebreaker to determine minor league draft order. Suggested winning percentage over the previouis two years. Passes unanimously.

X. The following language regarding offseason free agency was passed unanimously:

“Free agent transactions will henceforth be allowed between the period of two days following the draft – at the conclusion of the initial waiver period – until the end of the Fuggin Cup Final.”

XI. Discussion of playoff transactions. “Henceforth, a team in the playoffs shall be limited to 5 transactions per week, where a roster move is defined as a waiver or free agent for player swap. A week is defined as the day a player enters one’s roster.” Passes unanimously.

XII. Discussion of appeals proceedings. “A team appealing a ruling of the commissioner’s office shall pay $5 to challenge the ruling. If successful in arbitration, the money will be returned. If unsuccessful, it will be used to limit the cost of the league outing.”

XIII. Discussion of dues. An increase in dues to $50 per year was passed unanimously.

XIV. Commissioner’s office is appointing the Commissioner’s Special Subcommittee on Yahoo Exit Strategy. Kirby, Smith, Feigh, Newman will report their findings to the league on or before draft day.

XV. Draft day is set for Saturday, March 24, 2007 at Dirty Champs in Oakbrook Terrace, IL.

XVI. Rulebook was perused as amended and passes unanimously. Being revised by Lyons before final submission to owners.

XVII. MR teams for 2007 were drawn: Washington, NY Mets, Kansas City, LA Angels, Chicago Cubs.

XVIII. Lottery was done. The following is the draft order each round of the draft: Upper Deck Bleacher Bums, Walden Warriors, Outlaw Stars, American Giants, Oedipus & the Mama’s Boys, Wyoming Pigs.

Helton joins Fuggin Cup champs

Just days before the ICA Winter Meetings convene in Villa Park, a major deal has gone down between the Fuggin Cup champion Golden Sox and the cellar-dwelling American Giants.

During the viewing of tonight's Bulls-76ers game, Giants owner Jason Smith and Sox owner Adam Kirby agreed on a trade that sends perennial All Star Todd Helton to the champs in exchange for Chone "Don't Call Me Chone" Figgins. Helton is expected to serve as the Sox' second utility hitter, backing up first baseman Albert Pujols and fellow utility man Prince Fielder. Who knows what the hell Smith will do with Figgins.

The Sox are likely not done dealing. Sources indicate the champs are also shopping All Star pitchers Barry Zito and John Smoltz.

Atkins Fails Physical; Trade to Walden Nixed

Madison, WI – Citing the failure of a physical, Walden Warriors’ General Manager Tom Lyons declined a tentative trade that would have had his team reacquire Outlaw third basemen Garrett Atkins.

The deal would have sent Walden Starting Pitcher Jake Peavy to Outlaw in return.

“That’s why we set up tentative arrangements to some trades,” said Lyons. “We want to make sure we know what we have before it’s finalized.”

Atkins was a member of the controversial ‘Moneyball’ draft Walden had in 2005. Due to strict 13-man rules, along with the lack of a minor league system at the time, Walden was forced to cut him after 2005.

The 27-year old Atkins is coming off of a career year in 2006. After hitting .329 with 29 Home Runs and 120 RBIs, he was coveted by Walden.

Peavy struggled in 2006, going 11-15 with a 4.09 ERA, though he was third in the ICA in strikeouts. He is 57-45 in his career.

Outlaw owner Steve Weiland did not immediately return phone calls requesting comment.

Weiland reverses decision to leave ICA

Outlaw Stars Official Press Release

After a show of support from several owners around the league, Outlaw Stars owner Stephen Weiland will remain President of Player Personnel for the Outlaw Stars franchise, leaving the managerial duties during the season to the team's new General Manager Trent Felver.

When asked what brought about the change of heart for his decision to leave the front office owner Weiland responded, "The commoraderie between fellow ICA owners and myself would not allow me to walk away entirely. Although I don't have the time necessary to put in over the course of the season I still feel I can contribute to the Outlaw Star orginazation and to the ICA in my new role. My fellow owners show of support was the deciding factor to keep me involved and showed me what a great league and what quality owners we have."

Winter Meetings

Saturday, December 9th

Kirby Kasa: 618 s. Wisconsin, Villa Park, IL

RSVP at: The Evite invitation you should have received.

We'll be talking about...
The disabled list, appeals, new officers, minor leagues, playoff rosters, no trade clauses, arbitration, rulebooks, expansion, and much, much more. Reply with suggestions for the agenda!

Back to just one Steve

Outlaw Stars owner Steve Weiland announced today he is leaving the league to participate in a mission trip to Uganda.

Weiland, a charter member of the ICA and a former owner of pre-ICA teams like MyAsian's and the infamous Bubba and Friends, has handed over the reigns to his franchise to some guy he works with, whose identity has not yet been disclosed. The new dude will be introduced at the winter meetings. Supposedly he knows his shit.

A two-time regular season champion who nevertheless failed to win a Fuggin Cup, Weiland's departure appears to be permanent, though he will be welcomed back to the league in the future if he changes his mind.

Weiland's departure means that only half of the members of the 5-year-old ICA were around for its founding: Adam Kirby, Tom Lyons, Mike Feigh, Jason Smith and Newman. Curt Creighton took over the Miracle Mets from Jason's choochy college roommate in year 2, the same year Figgs adopted the woeful Potato-sukin mickeys. Steve Meer and Colby Hanik joined the leage in year 4 as expansion owners.

Free Agent

Walden drops Scott Hatteberg
Walden picks up Curtis Granderson

Congrats to my Golden Sox

Your 2006 Fuggin Cup Champion Golden Sox:

Matt Belisle
Lance Berkman
Joe Blanton
David Cabrera
Mike Cameron
Roger Clemens
Doug Davis
Jermaine Dye
Prince Fielder
Chone Figgins
Jeff Francis
Ryan Garko
Geoff Geary
Aaron Heilman
Ramon Hernandez
Tim Hudson
Bobby Jenks
Kenny Lofton
Pedro Martinez
Wade Miller
Dustin Moseley
Akinori Otsuka
Hayden Penn
Albert Pujols
Mike Rivera
Scott Rolen
John Smoltz
Jeff Suppan
Miguel Tejada
Jim Thome
Carlos Villanueva
Billy Wagner
Jeff Weaver
Brandon Webb
David Wells
Bob Wickman
Ty Wigginton
Dontrelle Willis
Jake Woods
Barry Zito
Joel Zumaya

Official Seal, Nominees

Nominee A

You know that's the half-life logo.

Nominee B

Statistician Smart

Secondary logos

I created some secondary logos for everybody ... what y'all think?

Official Seal

If this doesn't say "Chooch," I don't know what does ...

Minor League Draft

Now that we have final standings for 2006, here is your draft order for the first ever, upcoming minor league draft!

(Note: we do need to formalize a tiebreaker).


1 American Giants
2 Oedipus & the Mama's Boys
3 Walden Warriors
4 UD Bleacher Bums
5 Pine Tar Incident
6 Newmaniacs
7 Outlaw Stars
8 Wyoming Pigs
9 DaFaze
10 VP Golden Sox
11 Wyoming Pigs
12 Outlaw Stars
13 Newmaniacs
14 Pine Tar Incident
15 UD Bleacher Bums
16 Walden Warriors
17 Oedipus & the Mama's Boys
18 American Giants
19 American Giants
20 Oedipus & the Mama's Boys
21 Walden Warriors
22 UD Bleacher Bums

Put another way, by team:


American Giants 1 18 19
Oedipus & the Mama's Boys 2 17 20
Walden Warriors 3 16 21
UD Bleacher Bums 4 15 22
Pine Tar Incident 5 14
Newmaniacs 6 13
Outlaw Stars 7 12
Wyoming Pigs 8 11
DaFaze 9
VP Golden Sox 10

Again to remind you, "Picks in the minor league draft may not be traded under any circumstances. "

Best Weeks Ever

(Updated 8/17/08)

Hitting
Most Runs: 59 (Outlaw Stars, 2004)
Most RBI: 71 (DaFaze, 2003; Wyoming Pigs, 2004)
Most Stolen Bases: 16 (VP Golden Sox, 2008)
Most Walks: 49 (American Giants, 2008)
Fewest Strikeouts: 12 (Newmaniacs, 2003)
Most Bases: 175 (DaFaze, 2003)
Highest Average: .384 (UD Bleacher Bums, 2004)
Highest Slugging: .714 (DaFaze, 2003)

Pitching
Most Innings: 100.2 (Newman's Renegades, 2008)
Most Wins: 10 (Outlaw Stars, Pine Tar Incident, 2005)
Fewest Losses: 0
Most Saves: 13 (Drunken Irishmen, 2002)
Fewest Walks: 2 (Walden Warriors, 2004)
Most Strikeouts: 97 (Newmaniacs, 2004)
Most Holds: 9 (Walden Warriors, 2007; Wrigley Bears, 2008)
Lowest ERA: 0.68 (Outlaw Stars, 2008)
Lowest WHIP: 0.68 (Outlaw Stars, 2008)

Single-season bests

Most Runs
1) 866 — Wyoming Pigs, 2004
2) 831 — Pine Tar Incident, 2009
3) 790 — DaFaze, 2010

Most RBI
1) 866 — Wyoming Pigs, 2003
2) 851 — Pine Tar Incident, 2009
3) 778 — Wyoming Pigs, 2008

Most Stolen Bases
1) 179 — Pine Tar Incident, 2007
2) 174 — Oedipus & the Mamas Boys, 2009
3) 161 — Bald Bombers, 2010

Most Batting Walks
1) 693 — Outlaw Stars, 2004
2) 628 — Wyoming Pigs, 2010
2) 605 — Oedipus & the Mamas Boys, 2008

Fewest Batting Strikeouts
1) 711 — Outlaw Stars, 2008
2) 719 — Outlaw Stars, 2007
3) 731 — Upper Deck Bleacher Bums, 2008

Most Bases
1) 2,539 — DaFaze, 2003
2) 2,447 — Walden Warriors, 2009
3) 2,412 — Pine Tar Incident, 2009

Fewest Errors
1) 54 — Walden Warriors, 2003
1) 54 — Newmaniacs, 2005
1) 54 — Oedipus & the Mamas Boys, 2005

Highest Fielding Percentage
1) .991 — Wyoming Pigs, 2008
1) .991 — Wyoming Pigs, 2009
3) .990 — Pine Tar Incident, 2008
3) .990 — Wyoming Pigs, 2010

Highest Batting Average
1) .304 — Upper Deck Bleacher Bums, 2004
2) .298 — DaFaze, 2008
3) .293 — DaFaze, 2010

Highest Slugging Percentage
1) .548 — Outlaw Stars, 2004
2) .510 — Walden Warriors, 2009
3) .493 — DaFaze, 2008

Most Innings
1) 1,542 — Oedipus & the Mamas Boys, 2010
2) 1,536 — Newman's Renegades, 2008
3) 1,525 — Wyoming Pigs, 2005

Most Wins
1) 112 — Wyoming Pigs, 2005
2) 107 — Newman's Renegades, 2008
3) 102 — Oedipus & the Mamas Boys, 2010

Fewest Losses
1) 47 — American Giants, 2002
2) 55 — American Giants, 2009
3) 57 — American Giants, 2008
3) 57 — American Giants, 2010

Most Saves
1) 143 — Newman's Renegades, 2007
2) 126 — Newman's Renegades, 2009
3) 119 — Newman's Renegades, 2010

Fewest Pitching Walks
1) 257 — American Giants, 2005
2) 386 — Wyoming Pigs, 2010

Most Pitching Strikeouts
1) 1,409 — Oedipus & the Mamas Boys, 2010
2) 1,333 — Pine Tar Incident, 2010
3) 1,279 — Pine Tar Incident, 2009

Most Holds
1) 107 — Walden Warriors, 2007
2) 88 — Walden Warriors, 2010
3) 83 — Walden Warriors, 2009

Lowest ERA
1) 3.07 — Walden Warriors, 2003
2) 3.27 — Newman's Renegades, 2010
3) 3.36 — Oedipus & the Mamas Boys, 2010

Lowest WHIP
1) 1.14 — Walden Warriors, 2003
2) 1.23 — Wyoming Pigs, 2010
3) 1.24 — Pine Tar Incident, 2009
3) 1.24 — Newman's Renegades, 2010

Single-Season Worsts

Fewest Runs
1) 595 — Upper Deck Bleacher Bums, 2010
2) 615 — Potato-sukin mickeys, 2002
3) 636 — Outlaw Stars, 2008

Fewest RBI
1) 590 — Outlaw Stars, 2010
2) 593 — Wrigley Bears, 2008
3) 603 — American Giants, 2003

Fewest Stolen Bases
1) 49 — Outlaw Stars, 2007
2) 56 — Newman's Renegades, 2009
3) 61 — Pine Tar Incident, 2010

Fewest Batting Walks
1) 407 — Upper Deck Bleacher Bums, 2004
2) 422 — Bald Bombers, 2010
3) 437 — DaFaze, 2008

Most Batting Strikeouts
1) 1,068 — Oedipus & the Mamas Boys, 2006
2) 1,041 — Walden Warriors, 2010
3) 1,025 — Newman's Renegades, 2010

Fewest Bases
1) 1,913 — Potato-sukin mickeys, 2002
2) 1,928 — Outlaw Stars, 2010
3) 1,953 — Wrigley Bears, 2008

Most Errors
1) 97 — Pine Tar Incident, 2005

Worst Fielding Percentage
1) .980 — Upper Deck Bleacher Bums, 2006
1) .980 — Outlaw Stars, 2006
1) .980 — Newman's Renegades, 2009
1) .980 — Upper Deck Bleacher Bums, 2010

Lowest Batting Average
1) .255 — American Giants, 2005
2) .266 — Newman's Renegades, 2008
3) .267 — Wyoming Pigs, 2009
3) .267 — Outlaw Stars, 2010

Lowest Slugging Percentage
1) .406 — American Giants, 2005
2) .410 — Wrigley Bears, 2010
3) .412 — Outlaw Stars, 2010

Fewest Innings
1) 918 — American Giants, 2005
2) 1,069 — Outlaw Stars, 2008

Fewest Wins
1) 55 — Walden Warriors, 2005
1) 55 — American Giants, 2006
3) 56 — Outlaw Stars, 2008

Most Losses
1) 90 — Outlaw Stars, 2006
2) 89 — Wyoming Pigs, 2009
3) 85 — DaFaze, 2010

Fewest Saves
1) 4 — Walden Warriors, 2009
2) 12 — Walden Warriors, 2010
3) 21 — Walden Warriors, 2005

Most Pitching Walks
1) 561 — Oedipus & the Mamas Boys, 2010
2) 526 — Newman's Renegades, 2008
3) 525 — VP Golden Sox, 2004

Fewest Pitching Strikeouts
1) 648 — American Giants, 2007
2) 818 — Outlaw Stars, 2008

Fewest Holds
1) 0 — Upper Deck Bleacher Bums, 2008
2) 2 — Newman's Renegades, 2010
3) 3 — Newmaniacs, 2004

Highest ERA
1) 4.66 — Wyoming Pigs, 2006
2) 4.55 — Bald Bombers, 2009
3) 4.53 — Wyoming Pigs, 2009

Highest WHIP
1) 1.43 — VP Golden Sox, 2007
1) 1.43 — Wyoming Pigs, 2009
1) 1.43 — Bald Bombers, 2009