Sox denounce newest acquistion

In an unusual move, the VP Golden Sox have issued a statement denouncing their newest acquisition, free agent slugger Barry Bonds.

"In signing Bonds, the Golden Sox in no way endorse this lying sack of shit as being worthy to put on a Sox jersey," owner Adam Kirby said. "We don't even really want him to do well. But, hell, we needed more walks, and we knew this assclown would probably deliver them.

"We kind of hope he gets indicted soon, so we can release him again and mock him mercilessly. But as long as he's still racking up numbers, we're willing to look the other way in pursuit of Fuggin Cup glory."

Other ICA owners criticized the Sox for sacrificing ethics by picking up a known cheater.

"The American Giants have a team policy barring steroid users from our squad," said Giants owner Jason Smith. "A pox on the Golden Sox!"

Replied Kirby: "Dude, have you ever seen The American Giants' record? I think a ficus plant would have a more successful franchise.

"But, yeah. Bonds is a piece of shit."

The ICA's best kept secret -- REVEALED!

"Hello. My name is Nick Johnson. I'm really good at hitting baseballs, and I'm a human walking machine."

Stars cashing it in?

With today's trade of red-hot Paul Konerko to the Renegades for a third-round draft choice, manager Steve Weiland is apparently conceding what many league experts have been saying since the end of last season.

The Outlaw Stars just aren't that good.

Fellow managers Tom Lyons and Adam Kirby picked Weiland's Stars to finish in 7th and 6th place, respectively, in their preseason predictions, and through 2 1/2 weeks of the ICA season, those predictions would appear to be on target. The Stars are currently in 8th place, at 14-21-1, and are in danger of dropping yet another contest this week to DaFaze.

The Stars have already abandoned their preseason slogan, "You'd better bring your A game," following whippings from both expansion franchises -- neither of which particularly brought its A game. The Stars are a sinking ship.

On the Konerko trade, Weiland sounded like a manager who knew his team had hit a downward slope.

"With Konerko going to be up for free agency at the end of the year, we felt we had to get some value for our all-star first baseman," he said. "This will certaintly build for the future."

Given Konerko's history of extreme streakiness -- and perhaps more importantly, his status as a mandatory-release player -- the trade was a wise one for the Stars.

But it undoubtedly sends a disappointing message to Stars fans, who had hoped the ICA's most historically consistent franchise wouldn't ever experience the bitter taste of rebuilding.

2006, Pick 2 overall

"Hello. My name is Travis Hafner. I'm really good at hitting baseballs."

Kirb's predictions

ICA Regular Season
1. DaFaze
2. VP Golden Sox
3. Wyoming Pigs
4. Renegades
5. Pine Tar Incident
6. Outlaw Stars
7. UD Bleacher Bums
8. Walden Warriors
9. Oedipus and the Mamas Boys
10. The American Giants

Fuggin Semifinals
DaFaze over Renegades
Sox over Pigs

Fuggin Finals
Sox over DaFaze

Kirby retarded, Teixeira terrified

Upon being introduced as the newest member of Oedipus and the Mamas Boys, first baseman Mark Teixeira flees in horror.

Special thanks to the photographer, Jason Smith, for making me look "special." I appreciate that.

Trade to report

Renegades send:
Jake Peavy
Pick 72

Walden sends:
Jason Schmidt
Pick 3

On the clock

At Tom's suggestion, I'd like to start enforcing our draft day rules regarding how long everyone has to make their picks. I offer this proposal:

• First round picks may take up to five minutes
• Subsequent picks are allowed no more than three minutes
• Each manager may invoke one three-minute "grace period" at any point during the draft
• Once the clock has expired, and if the manager has used up his grace period, the person with the next pick may jump ahead and make a pick

This is a fair amount of time, I think. Anybody object this proposal?

We will hopefully have some type of exacting clock mechanism (a stopwatch, egg timer, something) to make this go smoothly.

Mock Draft

Some owners have been working on a mock draft for a couple weeks now ...

Now that I've actually taken the time to do some draft prep, I'll also participate. Here's where the draft is at so far. Remember, anyone can add to the mock draft by adding to the comments section of this post -- just try to make it logical.

Here are your draft picks and who owns them...

Colby: 1, 11, 29, 32, 40, 41, 60, 80, 90 (9)
Jason: 12, 19, 31, 36, 52, 53, 58, 71, 82 (9)
Tom: 2, 3, 5, 6, 10, 17, 33, 67, 83 (9)
Meer: 4, 15, 24, 28, 44, 54, 64, 74, 84 (9)
Figgs: 14, 25, 45, 55, 65, 75, 85, 88 (8)
Newman: 16, 26, 46, 56, 66, 72, 76, 77, 86 (9)
Adam: 7, 27, 34, 37, 38, 47, 51, 57, 62, 63 (10)
Mike: 8, 18, 23, 35, 42, 48, 61, 68, 78, 87 (10)
Curt: 9, 39, 49, 59, 69, 79, 89 (7)
Weiland: 13, 20, 21, 22, 30, 43, 50, 70, 73 (9)

The mock draft, to date ...
1. Oedipus: Mark Teixeira
2. Warriors: Bobby Abreu
3. Warriors: Michael Young
4. Pine Tar: Andruw Jones
5. Warriors: Travis Hafner
6. Warriors: Chase Utley
7. Sox: Billy Wagner
8. DaFaze: John Smoltz
9. Pigs: Alfonso Soriano
10. Warriors: Tim Hudson

ICA Minor League Teams

So last winter meetings, we voted to add a minor league system for the 2007 season. I'm excited.

This begs the question: should ICA minor league teams have names? It'd be cool to have cafe press gear for your minor league team (all three players, at most).

On the other hand, it's not a minor league per se, as our minors squads won't be playing one another; team names might not be warranted.

All that being said, I think if I want to call my three minor leaguers (hopefully two, we'll see how we do this year), I can call them something. Behold, I introduce to you the name of a team that doesn't yet exist (except, of course, conceptually)...

No Trade Clauses?

In real life, when a team offers a free agent a no-trade clause, the free agent tends to prefer that over similar offers which do not include said clause.

Why can't ICA owners place bids that include no-trade clauses?

Say we had this rule in effect for the upcoming draft. Adam selects, whoever, Billy Wagner at pick 7. The owner within one pick -- at pick 8, in this case Feigh -- could offer his own pick along with a notrade clause. Thereafter, the original drafter (Adam) could match the no-trade offer to Wagner, or give Wagner to Feigh in return for Feigh's own pick 8.

If Wagner is offered a no-trade clause by either Feigh or Kirby, he is bound to appear on his owners' 13-man team until he retires, dies, or mandatorily released. So, it's a pretty hardcore commitment.

Not too complex, and would definitely add a twist to draft day. What do you all think?

Figgs lives

I made contact with Figgs (Mark Wegren) today, and he does indeed still exist. He won't be attending the draft in person, but he'll be there via Internet. Let's hope that's the case.

This is the up-to-date draft list ...

Present:
Me
Steve
Jason
Tom
Meer
Colby
Feigh

Online:
Figgs

Undetermined:
Curt (online or by request list)
Newman (online or with surrogate)

Why ICA 2011 is expensive

Tom says his proposal below would not be that expensive. I disagree.

Things that Tom proposed that require an expense (my comments in bold):

1. "the spare room of Anyway's or something" — requires renting space

2. "microphones to amp up this bad boy" — requires renting or purchasing, and necessitates renting space as opposed to just plopping down at some tables

3."We arrange for the ICA to be set up as a charitable organization" — not cheap

4. "a LED-light display detailing each pick" — I thought at first he was being facetious, but apparently he's serious about this

5."Other owners are wearing appropriate attire with their team's logo on it" — that's fine with me, but I've had logo apparel available for sale for 3 years, and exactly 4 owners, fewer than half, have made purchases

6. "Big honkin posterboards are all over the place with each team's roster and logo" — not horribly expensive, but not cheap either

7. "We get a HARDCORE draft board" — either expensive or not hardcore

8. "If we play our cards right, in 5 years the value of an ICA franchise could hit $1000 if we approach this with a sound marketing strategy and treat it like a business. That's not a bad return." — it's not a bad return if you're looking to sell your team, which I'm not, and it still doesn't address the fact that nobody who would be willing to pay big bucks for a team is going to want to do it when the championship pot is $200 or so. If you're willing to dramatically increase annual dues, then this starts to make sense.

The ICA, 2011

I sent this email to Weiland this morning, but then I thought others should really read this also. Curious if it hits a chord with anyone else.

=====

Steve,

Fact is, we have an round of expansion application set to start in one year. We need to capitalize on that, and ergo, plan for that capitalization.

I was hanging with Jason at Champ's last night. We got some marketing ideas.

*The owners' meeting has got to be in a public place. We need a big flippin banner with the ICA logo on it, and we need to own the spare room of Anyway's or something. We could have expansion applications on hand. We also need microphones to amp this bad boy.

*We arrange for the ICA to be set up as a charitable organization, which is admittedly expensive. However, we host a charity poker tournament, once again to be held at a public place. Cue the aforementioned banner.

*On draft day, we have to get Adam in a suit to read every pick. It's got to be more about entertainment/theatre than about getting a draft done. Once again, in a public place. Expansion apps on hand. Get a LED-light display detailing each pick. Every owner shouting and clapping - a la the NFL - after each pick. Other owners are wearing appropriate attire with their team's logo on it. We're using microphones again. Big honkin posterboards are all over the place with each team's roster and logo. We get a HARDCORE draft board.

With three over-the-top, very public, very fun events in a public place of people interested in baseball, the market value of each team - including expansion teams - will skyrocket. If we play our cards right, in 5 years the value of an ICA franchise could hit $1000 if we approach this with a sound marketing strategy and treat it like a business. That's not a bad return.

But, we have to get out of this mentality that we can't be more than 10 schmucks on Yahoo. If we begin with the end in mind - an aggressive, professional, competitive fantasy baseball league that only allows the most serious of owner - and act toward that end, the ICA will be the cream of the crop of fantasy baseball everywhere.

But it starts with marketing.

Anyone's thoughts please?

-Tom

Request from the CMO

What I'm looking to do is have a theme song from each team that will play during each of your picks. If you could either post here or email the theme song of your choice that would be great. If not a song will be selected to fill the void of silence during your pick. Personally I'd rather pick my own. Hope you draft preparations are going well. Lastly if you haven't replied to the evite that would be most appreceative.

Stephen Weiland
Chief Marketing Officer
Illinois Chooch Association